Good Girl Gone Bad: The Musical
by Kyuubi's Angel of Darkness
Summary: In which Sakura is a good girl. Itachi is at a strip-joint. Genma is drunk. Naruto is a knight. Sasuke makes out with the wrong girl. And too many people are singing nonsensical garbage. M for language? And the implied naughtiness I am so fond of.


**Soooo, long time no see! Haha not really. Anyways, allow me to introduce what I've been wasting my time on instead of writing chapters for _I_ _Remember You_. Welcome to _Good Girl Gone Bad: The Musical_! Yes, yes we're all very excited.**

**I first want to say that this was a complete bitch to write, although very fun, and that this is my longest one-shot to date. Racking up a grand total of 4,797 words! Go Kyuu-chan! Go Kyuu-chan!**

**Secondly, I hope you all enjoy the absolute insanity that is this one-shot.**

**_Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto or Good Girls Go Bad. However, I do own basically all of the songs in here considering I spent a muthaload of time trying to write a bunch of nonsense songs. Yeah._**

* * *

It had been a long day, too long in fact. So long that it could have been considered two days for the munchkins of munchkin land. So long it would take five giraffes to accurately measure the time that made up this day. So long it defied logic.

Sweet, innocent, Haruno Sakura was merrily skipping down the lovely trail back to her apartment as the flowers and tiny chibi-like insects grinned widely at her. She was so petite and kind that the little bugs couldn't help their smiles. Sakura had just spent the day assisting the elderly at the nearby nursing home, and then volunteered at the local soup kitchen, while trying to devise the cure to cancer. Needless to say, it had taken a lot out of the poor girl and though she was exhausted; she continued her lively skip down the trail, long pink hair fluttering behind her.

She stopped to give a hobo some money and her scarf.

"Please take it hobo-san!" She said brightly as she gave a sweet smile. Said homeless man twitched at the name but obviously accepted the nice gestures.

Sakura continued on her lovely trek back home, stopping along the way to help orphans in the cold (though it was clearly summer), rescue kittens from trees, help put out forest fires, assist old ladies across the streets and halt bank robberies.

The bright sun smiled down goofily at her, it's dark shades glinting for a mythical reason.

"Hello Sakura-chan!" Some random vender called out.

"Hello!" She called back, never faltering in her skipping, she had built up incredible stamina because of it. A light-hearted, merry tune began to play out of seemingly no where and Sakura hummed along with it, although she was sure she had never heard of it.

She stopped skipping only once and that was to break out into a spontaneous, choreographed, dance with others on the street, complete with singing and everything. The citizens were momentarily still until a chorus of slow, smooth Ah's ranging in various notes emerged from their vocal chords. Their arms reached for the sky slowly. A random man with a suspicious trench coat stepped forward to sing. He started slowly.

"This is the girl we know so well, she skips and hums all day it's swell.

Whenever its needed she's out of her bubble, to help whoever is in trouble..." The man backed away to join the rest of the populous who had formed circle around an unseen person. Suddenly the music picked up, again the source of that is still unknown, and the crowd jerked away from the center of the circle in time to the beats.

"SA-KU-RA! IT'S SA-KU-RA! IT'S SA-KU-RA!" The pink haired woman emerged from the center of the circle, smiling broadly and waving.

"She's so perfect, she's so kind, in life we couldn't get by, without our SA-KU-RA! IT'S SA-KU-RA!"

"It's like the promise land! She makes the world so grand! You shouldn't have to make us re-iter-ate. She's just been too great, oh we can hardly wait, cause their's nothing she can't withstand!"

It seemed the whole city was engaged in this ridiculously lively song that was currently taking place. The people of the city sang with loud, exaggerated gusto and the object of everyone's affections came forward to sing her obviously pre-learned part. The song slowed a bit and gave way to a piano. A random spotlight found itself lighting up Sakura.

"Day by day I help the poor, at whom others would shut the door. The world's not so bright, I feel like I'm it's light. I'll sing all daaay while helping those in neeeeeeeeeed~, I don't try to use it for my good deed! It's in my naaturrre, now don't make me pleeeaaaaad, to shove away your ugly greed!"

"To shove away our ugly greed!" The others chorused, and the obnoxious song continued.

The citizens danced merrily and sang loudly; much like the adults playing teenagers who had a burning rivalry between a sports team and a theatre troupe and in which both parties were willing to turn someone who wanted to do both into a social pariah from a _certain_ movie.

Alas the foolish man/boy did not understand that this is America and you cannot do both without being made fun of. However that fool with the ridiculous hair broke these rules and attempted to change the status quo! The ignorant imbecile! He had ruined society's ways, changed the way people are supposed to act! The horror of that pointless reenactment of high school life! The horrors!*

...

Yes, the dance moves were very similar.

Once the song had finished, everyone broke apart and continued their business as if nothing had happened. Sakura continued her merry skip as though it had never been interuppted.

Sighing happily, Sakura finally reached her apartment. She opened the door, stepped inside, and leaned against the wood surface after locking the it. A moment of blessed silence followed before she groaned. Her eyes darkened and her posture seemed to change to a more confident, seductive stance. A smooth and sensual jazz beat echoed in her dark apartment.

"Those damn little, needy brats." She growled out huskily.

"I swear, they're just like rats~" Her arms extended on either side of her and she slid slowly down against the door. The beat continued it's dance throughout the house and Sakura dramatically threw her leg up and crossed it over her other at an appropriately timed note.

"Why do they have to be-

Why can't they just agree-" She fixed the wall with a venomous glare.

"It's not always about me, me, _me_." She hissed. A saxophone sounded with it's shrill melody as she stood and sauntered around the space, seemingly having a conversation with herself.

"_Oh Sakura dear, help us with the chores would you? Take time out of your busy day yes? Feed the orphans, help the elderly, forget your own life!_" She yelled, the last few words rising with the intensity of the unknown song. Sakura grabbed a chair and straddled it, fingers playing with the back of it. She moaned, a dark and sensual sound and spoke softly as the song quieted.

"But, I. Don't. Want. To." The volume came back full force and Sakura completely disregarded the chair as she impressively kicked high in the air.

"Why can't those fools just see-

It's not always about me, ME, _MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE_!" She finished with her arms in the air. Her chest heaved with anger and she stood there before she turned. Walking into her room, she started stripping off her clothes. As she did this, a new song played.

"I'm sexy and I know it."

* * *

Itachi gave a disinterested sigh, his sexy, smoldering, eyes surveying the club before him.

A local, filthy, strip-club.

A local, filthy, strip-club, that for some reason; spontaneously broke out into song.

"AND WE THROW CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR WOOHOO!"

It was Sasuke's bachelor party, _he had no idea who his little brother was even supposed to be marrying,_ and Genma decided to have the party at a strip club. He had said it was a coming of age tradition.

Itachi didn't even know Sasuke _knew_ Genma.

"Hey, hey, Itaaaaaachiiiiiii." Genma slurred. Itachi eyed him with as much interest as he would eye a bowl of jelly.

The really good kind of jelly too, not even jelly could capture this gorgeous man's attention.

Anyways, they had only been here twenty minutes and they guy was already drunk?

"Itachi. Itachiiiii. Itaaaachiiiii."

"What Genma?"

"I gotta tell you s-somethin. Gotta tell you somethin."

"What." The drunk man placed a finger over the impassive man's lips, Genma's drunken grin turning into an absolutely shit-eating, drunken grin. Itachi glared.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I gotta tell you somethin!"

"_What_." Itachi hissed.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Poopie."

Itachi slapped the back of Genma's head and watched as the man laughed hysterically on the floor. It didn't last long because soon, a blonde woman tripped and fell right on top of Genma. The two stared at each other for a minute before they started making out on the floor.

On the dirty floor.

On that gross, dirty, floor where people did Kami knows what and dropped all kinds of disgusting, bacteria filled, things.

Itachi gave a horrified shudder and walked away, discretely rubbing his hands with his pocket hand sanitizer.

Mm, vanilla scented.

His next encounter was with Sasuke's friend Naruto.

Who was also completely hammered.

Again, twenty minutes. Itachi hadn't even had time to get a drink.

"AND THEN I, NARUTO THE VALIENT KNIGHT, SMASHED THE BLOOD-SUCKING BABY BIRD INTO A MILLION PIECES! AND I FED IT'S REMAINS TO MY CAT!"

Itachi stared at the young man before him, feeling rather disturbed. There were so many things wrong with that sentence. One, Naruto wasn't a knight. Two, baby birds don't suck blood. Three, it was just messed up to smash one and feed it to a cat. Four, Naruto didn't even have a cat.

The women around Naruto giggled and cooed at him. It seemed he had been taught well by his godfather.

"Wow Naruto-sama! Did you get him good?" Naruto beamed at them and shouted,

"OF COURSE!" As he shouted triumphantly, a show-tune began to coincidentally play out of the nearby boom box. Not exactly the manliest choice for a song and Itachi could only stare as Naruto climbed atop the bar and the women around him ripped off their current clothes to reveal-

Cancan outfits... Complete with feathers and sequins.

What?

"IIIIII AAAAAMMMM THE GREATEST KNIGHT OF ALL!" Naruto screamed out in his naturally loud, tone deaf voice.

"NO ONE COULD EVER PREDICT MY FALL!"

"VALIANT AND GREAT, I CAN DO FIGURE EIGHTS!" Itachi blinked at the nonsense the blonde was spouting.

"WHAT'DA SAY MATE? BE MY DATE!"

"WOO!" The women cheered, kicking high in the air. Various men around them leered at the fishnet clad legs.

"I CAN LIFT A CRATE AND I CAN SELL SOME BAIT!" Itachi's eyebrow twitched as Naruto belted out his song and the women danced. That blonde idiot wasn't even making sense! He was just rhyming in time with the song.

"I JUST ATE AND I CLEARED MY PLATE! MOM WILL BE PROUD OF MY FAAAAAATTTEE!"

The song full of complete and utter nonsense ended and Naruto took a bow. Itachi was actually surprised to see men clapping and cheering for what has to be the stupidest song in existence. After bows Naruto moved to say something, only to fall face first onto the bar. Out cold. Itachi checked his watch.

Twenty-five minutes.

He sighed and went to look for his brother.

* * *

Itachi honestly didn't know what to expect when he found his otouto. He could picture his brother dispassionately glaring at the wall of the seedy establishment, or Sasuke could be completely hammered.

It could go either way.

Instead he found his brother making out with some dark haired woman at the bar. It was rather disgusting to watch in all honesty, there was slobber everywhere, his little brother was making the strangest noises, and the woman was kind of, _aggressive_ in displaying her affections.

Now that he thought about it, he didn't think Sasuke's marriage was going to last very long.

He squinted at the woman Sasuke was kissing (if you could even call it that, he looked like he was trying to engulf her face). Something seemed a bit, _off_ about her... The clothing was pretty masculine and she had really pale, pasty, skin. That hair style seemed oddly familiar and there was a snake tattoo curled around her arm...

...

Ohkami-samahislittlebrotherwasmakingoutwithOrochim aru.

As much as Itachi loved his foolish little brother, he had to step away for a moment in an effort to control his rapidly rising disgust before he could attempt to pull them apart. He braced himself on a nearby table and tried to steady his breathing.

Oh Kami, oh Kami, oh Kami that was disgusting. Just the thought of that creepy snake man...

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

Once he felt like his body wouldn't go into cardiac arrest, Itachi calmly walked forward to where Sasuke was, seated.

"Otouto." Itachi said the word almost hoarsely, the need to convulse on the floor and stop breathing was becoming very, _very_ tempting. Sasuke looked up at his adored Aniki. His eyes glittered with pride as he introduced his older brother to the, 'woman' in his arms.

"Annnniiikiiiiiiiii! Lookie, I met the lady o' my dreamsssssss!" Itachi almost, almost slapped his forhead.

Sasuke was stone drunk. In fact, he might have just taken drunk to a whole new level.

"That's nice Sasuke, now step away from him. Don't ever mention him to anyone, ever. You might want to go wash your mouth out as well, with bleach."

At the order, Sasuke's expression sobered and dramatic opera-like music erupted from seemingly nowhere. Itachi audibly groaned.

"Brother! You do not underSTAAAAAAAAANNDDD!" Sasuke began in his operatic tenor. Itachi raised a brow, what was there to understand about this situation? This situation was so out of the ordinary disturbing it made the fact that Mr. Clean had a gold earring like a cleaning gangsta, seem relatively normal.

"I LOOOOVVVVEEE HER! SHE IS MY EVERRRRYYYYTHING! IL MIO AMORE!"*

Itachi frowned, they weren't Italian dumbass little brother. It took him a moment but he realized his little brother was staring at him, as if waiting for something. The music continued to play. Itachi narrowed his eyes as realization hit him.

Oh _hell_ no.

"I'm not singing."

The music abruptly cut off, sounding much like the screeching halt of a record, and the patrons of the bar went into a frenzy.

"WHAT DO WE DO?!"

"He won't sing!"

"Now how do we finish the musical?!"

"WE CAN'T JUST NOT SING IN A MUSICAL!"

"WELL DUH!"

"Does this mean it's not a musical anymore!?"

"SASUKE STOP MAKING OUT WITH OROCHIMARU! YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID TO LOLLYGAG!"

"I'M NOT GETTING PAID AT ALL!"

"THEN STOP ACTING LIKE A CHEAP HOOKER AND HELP OUT DAMMIT!"

"Maybe we can get his understudy to sing?"

"He doesn't have an understudy moron! Who could ever even hope to look and act anything remotely close to Uchiha-sama?!"

"I could."

"SHUTUP SASUKE!"

"SOMEONE GET KYUU-CHAN!"

Summoned by word alone, a bolt of lighting struck the floor and a teenage girl was left standing in its place.

Kyuu-chan's bright blue eyes sparkled with annoyance as she flipped her long, curly, blonde hair over her shoulder, the little fox pendant adorning her slender neck rocked side to side with the movement. Her petite nose scrunched up in confusion.*

"Alright, who broke the fourth wall?"* She spoke irritably, her black heels clacked against the floor as she made her way towards the crowd. The crowd trembled under the weight of her annoyed gaze and silently, they pointed to the man who had screamed. Kyuu-chan raised a honey hued brow.

"Ah, bar extra number twelve. Why am I not surprised?" The man stuttered as the faced his creator.

"I'm so sorry my Lady! It's just Itachi wouldn't sing and we didn't know how to finish the musical!" Itachi glared at bar extra number twelve. Kyuu-chan's ocean blue gaze swiveled to stare at the Uchiha.

"Hm, so Itachi-kun didn't want to sing?"

"Hn." The creator smirked at him, sending goosebumps down the spines of everyone in the room.

"That's too bad Itachi-kun. I assume you didn't read the script very well."

The sexy man's eyes narrowed at the blunt remark that degraded his intelligence. With a flourish of her hand, a script-_director's addition mind you_- appeared just above Kyuu-chan's waiting appendage. She pushed it towards him and Itachi snatched the floating book out of the air.

"Page fifty-six, right after Sasuke's lament!" She sang. He grumbled at her but turned to the designated page. He scanned through the contents, eyes widening about halfway through. He tossed the script at the smug Kyuu-chan.

"That better be true." She smiled brightly at him.

"Of course my darling Itachi-kun! I always take care of my characters!" Itachi shot a glance at Sasuke, who was still entangled with Orochimaru, and raised a brow. Kyuu-chan's pearly white grin only widened, a rather feral look replacing the innocent one she had been wearing.

"I'll be watching then. Do try to keep from summoning me." With a dramatic bow and a snap of her fingers, she disappeared in a clap of thunder. The last thing seen was her eyes sparkling with mischief and the little fox pendant.

Itachi sighed as the lady of the story vanished. That crazy Kyuu-chan was more trouble than she was worth.* The dark haired man turned to face the bar patrons.

"Let's just get this over with." Everyone cheered and the operatic song started again.

"I LOVE HER!" Sasuke sang out. Internally hoping that his reward was completely worth it, Itachi opened his mouth and sang his part.

"Foolish little brother you do not understaaaaand. That there is not a woman, but in fact a man." The elder Uchiha's voice was soft but deep. Women around swooned, his voice melting in their ears like chocolate.

"BROTHER I LOVE HER!" Came Sasuke's opera-like reply.

"I forbid it!" Itachi snapped out.

"Your words are a waste!" Sasuke sang dramatically.

"Then I shall lock you up with haste!

Lest you become a disgrace!" Itachi boomed.

"I see that you yourself are wanting of a taste!" The people of the seedy bar watched on, enraptured by the dramatic, almost Shakespearian, display before them. Itachi internally threw up at those last bit of words.

Damn that witch Kyuu-chan.

"I wish for no such thing!"

"You are not the king!"

"You speak that way to me and ask to be free?!" The smooth voice of Itachi that barely concealed suppressed rage and exhasperation sent full grown men to near tears. His voice bordered between baritone and tenor in a heady mix that sent women to their knees.

"What will your actions cost you? What is their price? That you be dammed thrice!?"

"I love her!" Sasuke's stupidly repetitive line came again. Growing incredibly irritated with the whole ordeal, Itachi decided to wrap the song up.

"Against your foolish ideas I bare no holds! Desire it seems has wrapped you in its folds. What shall be the cost of this misery? That remains but a mystery. But remember foolish brother, there will be no other who will fall as you did today."

The song ended with a final, dramatic flair from a mix of violins and piano, the last note lingering eerily for effect. The drunken bar extras cheered wildly. Clapping, screaming, and throwing articles of clothing everywhere. Itachi inwardly grumbled.

Sasuke's Lament, really? _Sasuke's_ Lament.

Sasuke didn't do fucking jackshit. All he did was scream "I love her!" If anything, it should be Itachi's Lament. He was the one who was mentally scarred here. Much to his outward revulsion and horror, Sasuke continued his expedition of exploring the inside of Orochimaru's mouth. The song apparently meant as much to him as a rusty nail.

"ITA-CHAN!~ WHERE OH WHERE COULD YOU BE?

oh, FOUND YOUUU~"

The drunken Genma had found him it seemed, and the man dragged the unresistant Itachi away from the horrific sight of Sasuke and Orochimaru.

"Come on Ita-chan! The shows about to start!" Itachi resigned himself to following his friend, it was better than sticking around Sasuke the drool monster and Sir Rape-a-mouth. On the way to the seats, he snagged a bottle of sake from a passing waitress. The horrors of the night demanded he take a sip straight from the bottle and he obliged, hardly one to deny a drink after his experience. Genma glanced back at Sasuke.

"Who's the babe Sasu-chan snagged?" Itachi choked on the alcohol and tried to clear his airways. Genma patted his back.

"Ah jealous I see. Don't worry Ita-chan! We're in for a real treat tonight, I made sure we get a private show from the club's best!" The Adonis-like man decided at this point, it would just be best to ignore Genma. Instead he took a seat in one of the smaller private rooms Genma had directed them to. It was odd that he was sober enough to figure out where to go.

"Let's goooo! Show time!"

Well it seems Naruto had woken up for the show.

Itachi stared at the closed curtain in front of him. If that witch Kyuu-chan was to be trusted, then he was supposed to be well compensated for singing that ridiculous lament. He had no idea who was supposed to be giving him his compensation though. Internally, he hoped Kyuu-chan didn't try to twist this around in some sick way. A rather plain man stepped out from behind the curtain, Itachi assumed he was the owner.

"Welcome gentleman and- lady?" Anko gave a wolfish grin from her seat and high-fived Shisui. The owner cleared his throat.

"Anyways! As promised, our club has reserved our best dancer for you all so please, relax and enjoy." Throwing a saucy wink over his shoulder, the owner practically skipped back behind stage. Itachi didn't even want to comprehend that particular gesture. He took a swig from the sake jar as music started up, playing a popular song from the radio.

"_I make them good girls go bad!_"

Itachi's sake spewed from his wonderfully shaped lips in a perfect impression of a classic spit-take as the form on-stage was revealed. However, everyone else was too absorbed in cheering to notice Itachi's special moment.

_GODDAMMIT KYUU-CHAN!_

Haruno-freaking-Sakura was on-stage. His little brother's best friend, whom he had practically watched grow up, was on-stage in a strip club, and _damn_ she was working that pole.

"WOOO GO SAKURA-CHAN! Wait, _SAKURA-CHAN?!_" Naruto's scream was strangled and horrified and Itachi did not blame him in the least. The supposedly innocent pink haired woman paid absolutely no attention to her screaming blonde friend and continued to grind on the pole in a way that should be made illegal.

It was then that Itachi decided he would take his father up on his offer to become chief of police, he would then be able to outlaw this type of ridiculously sexy, no _**inappropriate**_ behavior.

His thoughts on the many laws he would be creating vanished as Sakura pulled herself up and unleashed an extremely sexy array of contortions on the shiny metal pole.

Poor Itachi's throat went dry and he was made uncomfterably aware of how tight his pants were getting. Sakura slid off the pole, and gracefully walked off stage, making her way through the crowd. She teased and flirted in a timely manner with the song. The song which had disturbingly accurate lyrics now that he thought about it. As if on cue, the auto-tuned voice belted out.

"_I MAKE THEM GOOD GIRLS GO BAD!_"

This was Kyuu-chan's doing. He just knew it was. This was how she planned to lure in the readers, with promise of crack.

Damn her.

Sakura continued moving through the throng of people until she came upon Itachi. Without warning, she dropped into his lap and ground her, perfectly wonderful, ass right into his now very prominent erection.

Itachi _really_ hated Genma right now.

Always the one to make a situation even worse, Shisui whistled at Itachi.

"_NICE_ BABY COUSIN!" Thankfully for Itachi, other dancers in various forms of undress emerged on the stage which effectively prevented the others from witnessing Itachi get a lap-dance.

He did not want this. He really _did not _want this. Honest.

Sakura ground into him again as her nails lightly scrapped along the back of his neck and Itachi silently moaned.

He looked over at her lovely and perfectly proportioned body and internally relented.

Okay maybe he wanted this but taken out of context, he definately did not want a lap-dance from someone he'd known for over a decade.

You know what, fuck it. He'd take a lap-dance from Sakura any day of the week. This of course was to stay in the privacy of his thoughts least the blonde idiot and his foolish brother find out.

"Sakura." He groaned. She blinked up at him.

"Oh, hello Itachi!" She chirped as if grinding into him and combing her fingers through his hair was an everyday occurrence.

"What," he gasped out as she pressed her rather large breasts against his chest, "are you doing here?" She eyed him for a moment.

"Working. What does it look like I'm doing?"

Well it looked like she was giving him a lap dance, he was rather concerned if this was her definition of working. Thankfully she elaborated.

"Being good all the time and having to bend to the will of others, it's just not fun. It's so obnoxious and people are totally inconsiderate. So it just makes sense to do something bad you know?"

No he did not know.

Maybe she was drunk. Was she drunk? Everyone else in this club seemed to be drunk.

She looked perfectly sober though, and, _oh Kami_, could a drunk person really suck on his neck _that_ well?

To his slight horror he realized he was enjoying this, immensely.

A slow song started that apparently only the two of them could hear, everyone else was still occupied with the strippers. Sakura's voice was low and husky as she breathed into his ear.

"I know you want me. Just give into me." She nipped at his earlobe as she murmured out the lyrics. He swallowed, hard.

"I'd rather tie you to a tree." He rasped out, totally unaware that he was actually singing of his own free will this time.

"I'd break freeeeee." She pouted at him as she sang, fingers tracing his pectorals through his shirt.

"Don't try to resist me when I know you'd rather kiss me." She purred seductivley at him. Green eyes shined with satisfaction as Itachi looked truly cornered for a second. Then the look vanished and dark eyes gained a predatory gleam. Sakura gasped as he suddenly squeezed her butt and turned the tables.

"You think your bad, oh so bad. Girl, let me tell you, you've got _nothing_ on me." Sakura's breath hitched as his low, sexy voice caressed her ears. Shivers danced up her spine leaving her tingling as Itachi's long fingers stroked her hips. The music picked up into a dangerous jazzy rhythm.

"I'm the embodiment of sin, and I'll tell you with a wicked grin. Now don't tell me you fear when you say you'll be near. I'll wrap you up till you can't say no, then I'll never let you go-oh. Don't need to think twice I may, try. to. play. nice."

He chuckled wickedly and oh damn, that sound should be illegal. In fact, it should be against federal law for Uchiha Itachi to chuckle like the sex god we all know he his.

His tongue traced the shell of her ear and it was all Sakura could do to remain upright as his god-like body pressed up tightly against hers.

"Darling don't you fret! I've yet tried to make you wet! Believe me dear, I'll tell you here, you. will. be. miiiinnneee." Itachi's velvety voice held the last note and somehow managed to make the words he was singing more appealing than chocolate. The song full of sweet, sexual, nothings murmured in her ear had left Sakura virtually a puddle of goo. He was right, she had nothing on him and oh Kami she wanted him to _prove_ it.

Before Itachi could even say anything remotely close to a smug remark, he found a pair of soft lips smashed violently against his.

* * *

Itachi woke up the next morning in his bed, entangled with a very curvy naked body, feeling extremely satisfied, and face to face with two murderous looking men.

... Young men.

... Boys?

... Supposed men with the mentality of sea cucumbers.

Yeah.

"TEME!" Naruto howled, waking Sakura in the process. She blinked at the blonde, not feeling the least bit uncomfterable about her current position.

Itachi found that to be a bit of a turn-on.

"YOU SLEPT WITH _AND_ TAINTED MY PRECIOUS SAKURA-CHAN!" From somewhere near his side, Sakura gave an unladylike snort. Itachi almost snorted as well, did Naruto even remember where they saw Sakura last night?

Sasuke's glare could have frozen the desert and hell, simultaneously.

"I will never forgive you for this Aniki. You _sicken_ me." Itachi simply stared at Sasuke.

"You were making-out with Orochimaru in a dingy strip-club." He deadpanned. As if in a trance, Sasuke screamed out as the dramatic opera music suddenly filled the room.

"BROTHER YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAAAAAAND! I LOOOOOVE HER! IL MIO AMORE!"

* * *

**Lol yeah. That came out of my mind from God knows where. This was originally supposed to be a crack one-shot about Sakura being a stripper an everyone finding out and being all like holy shit! But it wasn't funny enough. **

**So I put on my thinking cap and said to myself: all right Kyuu-chan, what can you do to make this funnier and crackier... (Obviously I need a new thinking cap if it's letting me use the nonexistent word crackier.)**

**Suddenly it hit me! A MUSICAL! So I wrote a bunch of nonsense songs from beats that I was familiar with and threw them in there. Using artists and songs such as: VeggieTales, Song 2, Cell Block Tango, McCavity, The Phantom Of the Opera, and many more. The best part is that I can't get the story booted off since these are MINE. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Now for the things I placed * next to.**

**1- High School Musical. God I can't stand that movie.**

**2- My love in Italian. Lol I don't even know why I picked Italian.**

**3- Absolutely _shameless_ self-endorsement hahaha. Kyuu-chan needs her ego stroked every now and then.**

**4- Oh Oh ME ME! Kyuu-chan broke the fourth wall!**

**5- We go from self-endorsement to self-depreciation. I must be bipolar or something. I might have just created fourth person writing with this one-shot haha.**

**This author's note is ridiculously long so to anyone who actually cares enough to read it, thanks for your patience. Just a side note, does anyone else get annoyed by that Big Time Rush song Windows Down? I just yell at the radio YOU FUCKERS STOLE SONG 2'S BEAT! BLUR SHOULD SUE!**

**Postscript: school starts back in a week so I won't have as much time to write. SOPHOMORE BITCHES! Anyways, sorry for the soon to be inconvenience.**

**Wow, that was a lot. PLEASE REVIEW? Let me know that my madness has a method and its working? Pleeeeaaaassssssseeeee!**


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